The start of a new year provides a unique opportunity to reflect back on all that happened in 2020 and to think about what has worked well and what has not worked. A new beginning provides space for us to dream about future possibilities and begin forward progress one step at a time. But, how is this possible when we are being called to show up for ourselves and for others during a time that is clouded with more stress, anxiety, fear and worry due to the state of our troubled world today?
The word reboot means to reset or to restart. Let's explore what this could look like regarding our parenting.
Step One: Take Care of Yourself
It sounds so simple, but how many of us are actually practicing self-care? We often feel guilty about setting aside time to meet our own needs because that pulls us away from attending to the needs of others. Not only is self care not selfish, but it is also essential for our mental health! Taking better care of ourselves is the first step in being able to show up more fully for our families. Eleanor Brown said that “you cannot serve from an empty vessel.” If we have no fuel left in our gas tank, how are we able to fill up all of the other cars in line? Often, when we are overly stressed, self-care is the first thing we let go of.
Countless studies prove this is a mistake. Going back to the premise of meeting our basic needs, i.e. prioritizing enough sleep, finding mindful moments to take a breath or two, drinking enough water, and fueling our body and brain with healthy foods, are great places to start. From there, the sky's the limit with how we choose to take care of ourselves.
A few effective self-care techniques include practicing gratitude at the beginning and throughout each day, creating escape time to breath, walk, journal, have tea, listen to music you love while focusing on being mindful. Recent research indicates that the best activity we can do for our brains right now is to go on a walk with a friend because of the powerful self-reinforcement that combination provides. Self-care is truly an act of self-love, and what a gift we give our children when we prioritize it!
Step 2: Create Space to Connect with your Family
We quickly reacted to all of the abrupt changes that Covid19 brought including orders to stay home, limiting personal communication, wearing masks, and distancing with almost everyone else, but have we recalibrated in a way that best meets the needs of our children? Being flexible and leaning into new and creative ways to connect with our kids provides an opportunity to deepen relationships with them.
We need to find time to listen closely and check in with our kids in order to have a pulse on how they are doing. This process starts with “actively” listening to what they share, validating their response by saying something like “I can understand why you feel that way,” and normalizing their feelings so they hear, feel, and understand that they are not alone.
As parents, we often feel pressure to have all of the answers in order to get this whole parenting thing “right.” There are few better gifts than routinely providing a safe space for our children to ask the questions they have and to express their thoughts and feelings.
Connecting in playful and fun ways with our family benefits our personal relationships as well! Start by asking your kids what they think would be fun to do as a family, brainstorm, and go from there. Begin establishing a few fun traditions that your children can help promote and prepare.
These can be as simple as baking a favorite dish on Fridays (Friday Food Day), visiting a new park or trail in the city one weekend day a month (Outdoor Day), or playing a new game (New Game Day). We all benefit from having fun as a family. Establishing special traditions to celebrate time together will provide a foundation for future closeness, depth, and even more fun.
Step 3: Remain Hopeful!
One of my favorite poet’s Maya Angelou said that
“hope and fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay.”
Let’s be intentional about choosing hope for 2021! Looking back on all that you have endured throughout 2020, you have built resiliency and inner strength that will serve you and your children well moving forward.
Be well, my fellow parents!