by Abby Ellis
Situationship. We’ve heard the term before. It’s a fancy name we’ve given to a not-so-glamorous approach to dating, and sometimes even marriage. In the past, it’s been referred to as “friends with benefits” or maybe a “fling.” But as with anything, a new generation has come along, slapped a new label on it and ta-da… you have the awkward in-between friends but not in a relationship, “situationship.”
IT’S SEX WITH NO REAL COMMITMENT. VULNERABILITY WITH THE LACK OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY.
What starts out as a great first encounter quickly leads to texting and talking, hanging out, and building that connection to each other. But for reasons of their own, usually one person is unwilling to commit to more. Maybe we can sum it up as avoidant attachment. The other person becomes unhealthily attached. They over analyze every word and action, wondering when they will commit to more as if that should determine their worth. If you or your friends haven’t experienced this phenomenon, let me tell you, it usually leads to heartbreak. I would venture to say it almost always ends.
FOR THE AVOIDANT, THEY MAY NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND THE UTTER DESTRUCTION AND SHEER LONELINESS THE OTHER PERSON FEELS, BUT IT ULTIMATELY LEAVES THEM FEELING THIS AS WELL.
For the anxiously attached (if they weren’t before, they may wrestle with it now) it can be gut-wrenching. What started out as fun and casual, has turned their world upside down, questioning what happened and what went wrong. “What did I do or not do? Did they meet someone else… prettier, smarter, funnier?”
This casual, unambiguous situation has lead to loneliness, hurt, anger, and even shame—not to mention the time that was spent investing in someone who had no real investment in you. So if you find yourself in a situationship… get out. Sometimes it isn’t about being brave enough to let go, but having the audacious belief that you’re worth more.