by John Monroe
The mention of sex or pornography tends to capture a room and fill it with an uneasy tension as people panic for a change in topic. People would rather talk about anything else. We can’t deny that our culture is filled with sexual references and products designed to be just sexual enough so that it walks the line between pornographic and marketable. We post disgust about sexual exploitation and that we wish it would change, but we don’t address where the conversations must start.
When assessing overall health, we take our mental, physical, and spiritual health into consideration, but rarely sexual. I do not mean diseases or dysfunctions, but rather our views on sex. Do you see it as healthy? Normal? Sinful? Gross? Shameful?
What about how you discuss sex with your children? Do you use anatomically correct terms?
Studies show that children who refer to their bodies in anatomically correct ways have statistically lower chances of being targeted or abused. They are taught to respect their bodies with reverence to how God made them. They are taught privacy, rather than secrecy. They believe they are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and that sex is a gift to be enjoyed in the context of marriage.
What does this have to do with the issue of pornography?
According to the most recent studies, the average age of exposure to pornography is 12 years old and it is getting younger by the year. We are in an age with technology at our fingertips. Where children are spending hours every day on the internet just to attend school. Many parents don’t realize that there are companies actively working to fill the internet with a product to be consumed. That product is digital sex.
Pornography has the same effect on the brain as cocaine this is due to dopamine. This neurotransmitter is related to reward-seeking. Pornography causes our brains to release an excess of dopamine, achieving a dopamine high, and leading to tolerance.
Tolerance will cause us to seek more and more of what made us feel good. This leads to more time viewing pornography and an escalation of the types of pornography watched. Statistically, 68% of Christian men struggle with unwanted sexual behavior. An increasing percentage of young adults and teenagers do not perceive porn as being a negative influence and are open to talking about it among their peers.
Parents have lost their authority and guidance on walking with their children by creating healthy sexuality. Parents who choose comfort over having hard conversations are part of a culture that views sex and women as objects created for consumption.
So what do we do?
We have to believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Our bodies were created to bring God glory. He designed sex as a wonderful union within marriage to be enjoyed.
Through an unwillingness to use anatomically correct terms, refusal to discuss watching pornography, and choosing comfort rather than growth, generations of kids have been told that their bodies are not to be viewed as holy and private, but rather something that is only designed to give and receive pleasure.
I remember being told when I was 13 that I was going to get “the talk” when I got back from summer camp and that no matter what, my friends were not going to have all the information. I got back the next week and after getting “the talk,” I realized that my friends knew exactly what they were talking about.
They became my trusted source of information.
Even if you did not take the first step in talking about healthy sexuality, you haven’t lost those conversations forever. Allowing your kids to see that their parents are human is such an important part of growing up.
I do not mean talk to your kids about your own struggles. Rather, let them know they do not have to be ashamed of having questions, being curious, and not knowing what to make of their bodies right now.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable but so totally necessary.
Maybe it’s uncomfortable because you are still struggling in your own journey against unwanted sexual behavior or you recognize that your journey to sexual health is just beginning.
I totally get that.
I remember being so ashamed of my past. I was convinced if anyone knew that I struggled, they would reject me. We have been deceived that we are alone in our struggle. In reality, at least 7 out of 10 men and 2 out of 10 women in our own churches are struggling.
Struggling in silence.
Take the leap and challenge how you view sexuality. Have uncomfortable, but necessary conversations. God created our bodies and we can honor and glorify Him by treating ourselves and our bodies with respect. Our bodies were fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s time we begin treating them with the dignity and respect that God instilled within all of us. It begins with anatomically correct terms, hard conversations about sex and pornography, and an understanding of what healthy sexuality is.
My passion is challenging the negative and preconceived notions around sexuality. If you are not sure where to start, I’d love to walk with you as you navigate this important topic.