by Ron Surgeon
Emotional connection is one of the ways to close the gap of intimacy in a relationship. This goes hand in hand with learning to communicate our expectations.
Connection fosters trust and safety.
It creates a felt sense of attachment. Emotional disconnection is one of the primary symptoms of distressed couples. Emotional disconnection breeds fear, which generally leads males to feel powerless in romantic relationships and females to feel unwanted.
We can find ourselves moving through our days and weeks, focused mostly on logistics like what bills to pay, what’s for dinner, places to go and people to meet? At this rate, when we’re at the end of our day the easiest thing to do, and sometimes the most appealing thing to do is veg. Watching shows together does not necessarily lead to connecting.
Spending time together is not an automatic cure for loneliness.
The gift of loneliness is intimacy, being seen and known. The impairment of loneliness is apathy. Apathy and isolation go hand in hand. One simple way to build emotional closeness, besides daily affection, is a weekly marriage check-in. Here is how it could go:
Pick a time and place for the conversation.
1. Kindly ask: What were your highs and lows this week? (This is a general review of your week)
2. Kindly ask: Did I do or say anything this week that brought you gratitude or made you feel loved?
3. Kindly ask: Did I do or say anything this week that was harmful or felt hurtful? (Accept responsibility, apologize as needed, and commit to change)
4. Kindly ask: Is there anything I could do this coming week to lighten your load?
5. Express gratitude to each other for making time for this check-in.