by Tim Holler
Where did you grow up? It’s a common question. We hear it often, especially when first meeting someone. “So where did you grow up?” And we usually respond with the name of the city or town, the state, or if we grew up in a rural area, we might say “the farm” or “in the country.”
When we say ‘grow up’, we usually mean where we were either born or lived during our early life until we finished high school or turned 18, or left home for whatever reason. But the idea is that we generally have an idea of the place where we grew from infancy to adulthood.
How do we know we have truly grown up?
When we are 18 years old? If we’ve graduated from college? When we are married or have a job and pay our own bills?
For example, by the time I was 21, I was working, married and well into fully supporting myself, but I had certainly not ‘grown up’. I had so much growing yet to do. My body had matured, but my heart and mind had a long way to go.
I was self-centered, insecure, and seriously co-dependent.
I wore my heart on my sleeve and was constantly comparing myself with others, especially other men.
It took a long time, with the help of a couple therapists, my wife, and many other providential acts of God’s loving intervention to effect my growth. And on the process goes, even into my late 60’s.
Maybe it’s worth rethinking the question the next time someone asks where you grew up. It’s ok to accept that growing up is a life-long process. It isn’t a category you walk into or a line you cross. It’s really about staying open to what it means to continue on the path of becoming the person God wants you to be; the person God is making you into.