by Tim Holler
I never played competitive baseball, only sandlot. And it wasn’t the kind of baseball you see in the movie “Sandlot.” At least in the movie, they had actual bases, an outfield, and a backstop. The guy who played catcher even had catcher’s equipment!
No, we played sandlot baseball in an open field. We marked off running lanes to the bases usually made of whatever we could find. We made a line in the grass to represent the pitcher's mound. Home plate was just a space marked out with our tennis shoes. And there was no backstop.
I remember the frustrating feeling every time the ball was pitched and missed by the batter and the catcher; then we’d have to chase it down before the game could continue. Did I mention there was no backstop? This was irritating and slowed everything. We got angry at each other; at the batter for not connecting, at the catcher for missing the ball, at the pitcher for throwing a wild pitch, at ourselves if we either missed the ball or threw the wild pitch! All of this for the lack of a backstop!
While praying this morning, I started to feel sorry for myself; as this memory kind of represented much of my life.
When I was 15, my parents moved away, leaving my sister, brother, and I alone at home to finish high school. For many years, I felt I was the one who had to take care of myself. I lost my “backstop.” Granted, there were good reasons for them to move; Dad needed to work where he could make enough money, and he needed Mom to be with him. I get that. And I’m not resentful of either of them - now.
Nonetheless, I was tasked with having to stop every ball that came my way or suffering the disappointments and difficulties of having missed them. I felt alone.
Then, during this same morning prayer, I became aware of a message from God. The message was two-fold.
First, I was wallowing in self-pity. (And self-pity, as all of us know, has its own type of pleasure.) Second, I have always had a backstop.
The God and Father of the Universe has been and always will be, my backstop. Immediately, I felt the security of what it means to know that nothing gets by Him. He knows, and more importantly, He cares.
He is not only omniscient (all knowing), but He’s also omni-benevolent (all loving).
There is a rest and peace in this life that Jesus promises to His own: “My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, give I to you…”
If you are interested in growing in your connection with God by way of Spiritual Direction, please reach out to me.